Scars
by Himizu-chan
Summary: Kaoru understands why his brother doesn't have time for him anymore. He's not handling it well, but he's managing. Kyouya can't stop watching Tamaki, and he's falling apart. Kaoru tries to help him, but it's too much. He can't get through to Kyouya. So he tells Kyouya he's done, he's giving up. But even Kaoru isn't prepared for the Shadow King's next move. VERY DARK! Complete!
1. Scars

Chapter 1: Scars

A/N: Okay, so this fic started out a lot like Blow Me One Last Kiss did, in that I was driving around, I heard a song on the radio, I suddenly had a fanfic lodged in my brain. So here we go again with the song-inspired fics.

This one is REALLY DARK! There is A LOT of suicide talk going on in this fic. If you can't handle it, just leave.

This chapter was inspired by the song Scars, by Papa Roach. (I told you it was dark.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran Host Club or any of the songs or lyrics used in the creation of this fic, nor do I have any affiliation with any of the artists or anything like that.

* * *

"Fuck!" Kaoru Hitachiin swore, punching the wall of the shower. "Goddamnit!" he swore again, glancing down at his knuckles. They were red from the blow, and definitely sore, but there was no blood or broken skin. "FUCK!" he shouted, knowing that his apartment was empty, and no one outside would hear through the walls and the sound of rushing water.

The lean 21-year-old redhead finally sank down into a crouch, clutching his head as his body shook underneath the pounding stream of water. He wanted to cry, but the tears just wouldn't come…

"I shouldn't have done that…" he groaned. "I should never have said those things to him…"

He wanted to get out of the shower, find his phone, call him back, apologize… Even now, he was sure he knew where Kyouya Ootori was… in the same bar he always went to, slowly drinking himself to death. Kaoru knew exactly where to find his friend… but he didn't know how to save him. And he was so fucking tired of trying.

It would be so easy… so easy to pick up the phone. But the hard part was knowing what to say. For months he had tried to help Kyouya overcome his demons, but… it just wasn't working. Nothing he said made any difference. Kyouya refused to be helped, and Kaoru was just so fucking tired…

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And my scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

Looking back, Kaoru knew he should have seen all this coming. On some level, he had… but he'd thought… he'd thought things would be different. For one thing, he would have thought Haruhi would have picked a damn boyfriend by now!

Hikaru and Tamaki had been fighting for the girl's attentions since high school. And that had been fine. It had been hilarious to watch. But in the back of his mind, Kaoru always assumed that Haruhi would eventually pick a boyfriend.

Kyouya knew it too. Kaoru wasn't sure if anyone else knew, but it was obvious to him that Kyouya was in love with Tamaki. Of course he was. The dark-haired boy did more than tolerate the antics of the club's prince, he seemed to enjoy them. He loved his best friend, and Kaoru thought they made a fantastic couple. Or they would have, if Tamaki hadn't been so busy chasing Haruhi.

As for Kaoru himself… well, he understood why Hikaru liked the girl. Haruhi was sweet, smart, funny, charming, pretty… She could even tell them apart. If Kaoru hadn't finally realized that he was gay several years earlier, he might have joined his brother in competing for the girl's affections. But it hadn't interested him, and he'd sat on the sidelines, watching as his beloved twin drifted further and further away from him.

Things were easier when he was seeing someone. It always had been. There was someone there who paid attention to him, who wanted him around… it was nice, especially since Hikaru had been neglecting him since he'd decided to pursue Haruhi. But a lonely Kaoru can be an impulsive Kaoru, and he'd been led astray more times than he cared to count.

Yes, he'd seen it all. Boys who just wanted him for his looks, boys who didn't care about his emotional well-being, boys who only wanted to experiment with their sexuality, boys who cheated on him the whole time, boys who just didn't give a damn. There had been way too many boys in his life, and every single one left another scar on his already battered heart.

_Drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
I'm pissed 'cause you came around  
Why don't you just go home  
'Cause you channel all your pain  
And I can't help you fix yourself  
You're making me insane  
All I can say is_

It had been the latest in this string of failed relationships that had driven Kaoru to the bar. Usually he would have gone to the usual watering hole where he could have at least sat with Tamaki, Hikaru, and Haruhi. Haruhi would have talked to him, though the boys probably would have ignored him in favor of the bubbly girl.

But he didn't want to watch them anymore. He was so tired of the desperate flirting, so tired of how damn oblivious Haruhi was to everything. Was it even humanly possible to be that oblivious? Hikaru and Tamaki had only been wooing her for about four or five years now… Surely a normal human being would have seen the signs before now.

And anyways, the bar was where he'd met several of his ex's, including the one that had just thrown him out in favor of a new man who was "more compatible", whatever the hell that meant. All Kaoru knew was that he'd been dumped and it hurt like hell and he wasn't ready to dive back in just yet.

Once he could get dumped and be in bed with another guy by the end of the night. Now… now the scars were adding up, and he needed more and more time to recover. So he went to a smaller bar, one where he could drown his sorrows in cheap booze and ignore anyone who tried to slip him a number or cop a feel. And that's where he'd found Kyouya, surrounded by empty bottles and slumped over at the bar.

It hadn't been shocking that Kyouya wasn't handling Tamaki's behavior well. The desperate love the boy had for his golden best friend was painfully obvious, at least to Kaoru. And seeing his best friend dance attention down on Haruhi… it must have hurt. But the Shadow King had always seemed to self-possessed, Kaoru hadn't even imagined the other boy even getting tipsy, much less nearly passed out drunk in some dive bar.

"Kyouya? What the hell are you doing here?" Kaoru asked. Perhaps he could have been more delicate when asking… but seriously, what the hell was he doing?

Kyouya just stared at Kaoru, not even recognizing the redhead in front of him. Then he turned back to the bar, tried to order another shot, but slumped over completely before he could get the words out.

Part of Kaoru wanted to yell at the bartender, because really, who would keep serving drinks to a patron that was obviously so drunk? But he was worried about Kyouya, so he called a cab and managed to loop Kyouya's arm around his shoulders and half-drag and half-carry the intoxicated man out to the cab. Luckily he knew where Kyouya was living, and got him there without much trouble.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

Paying for the cab was easy, but frisking Kyouya for his apartment keys was something Kaoru had hoped to avoid. But Kyouya was completely unconscious by then, and Kaoru really didn't want to take him back to the apartment he shared with Hikaru… too many awkward questions.

He got Kyouya into his bedroom and finally dropped the taller boy onto the bed. Kaoru sighed, wondering how to go about making sure that the boy didn't accidentally choke on his own vomit or otherwise meet an untimely demise sometime during the night. He removed Kyouya's shoes, then tried to drag the boy into a more comfortable position, careful to leave his head tipped to one side. Then he walked into the kitchen, pouring two glasses of water. He walked back into the bedroom, sitting one glass on the nightstand. Sipping from his own glass, Kaoru started walking away when he heard a voice behind him.

"Kaoru?"

The voice was soft, not quite weak and not quite slurred, just heavy and tired, and something about it sent a shiver down Kaoru's spine. Perhaps the Shadow King hadn't been as out of it as he'd assumed. He turned back around.

"Hey, welcome back to the land of the living. How are you doing?"

Kyouya blinked, almost in slow-motion. Kaoru wasn't sure what to say.

"What are you doing here?" Kyouya asked finally. "And why am I at home?"

"I'm here because I brought you home, and I brought you home because your dumb ass was passed out in a seedy dive bar," Kaoru said, finally crossing the room to perch on the end of the bed.

"Why were you at the bar?" Kyouya asked finally.

Kaoru snorted. "That's what you're worried about? Not the fact that you were PASSED OUT DRUNK in a bar?"

Kyouya managed a shrug. "It happens from time to time."

Kaoru thought his brain imploded. That statement did not jive with the unflappable Shadow King he'd known back in high school. "You're telling me that passing out in a bar is a semi-regular occurrence for you? What the hell has happened to you, man?"

Kyouya didn't answer him. Kaoru didn't need him to.

"You gotta just let him go, man! Tamaki isn't worth it!" Kaoru exclaimed, unable to stop himself. He'd wanted to say this for months, maybe years.

"I can't."

Of course he couldn't. Kaoru had been telling himself that about Hikaru, and look where it got him. Fucking nowhere, that's where.

"Look, I know I'm pretty fucking broken myself, but… god, Kyouya, this is too much. You can't keep doing this," Kaoru said, anger starting to get the better of him. He knew he was taking it out on Kyouya when the real culprits were nowhere in sight, but… shit. "I'm sorry, I've had a really bad evening. Are you gonna be okay if I leave?"

For a minute, he thought Kyouya might have passed out again… but then he saw the minutest shake of the head. Kyouya didn't look him in the eye, but it was all too obvious he didn't want to be alone.

"Please don't go."

"Fucking hell…" Kaoru muttered to himself. Oh, he was going to regret this in the morning. "Yeah, okay, if you want." And he swung his legs up onto the bed, collapsing onto the pillows next to Kyouya. "Come here you," he added, gripping Kyouya's shoulder and pulling the dark-haired boy's head onto his chest so he could stroke the ebony hair. And they fell asleep like that, with Kyouya gripping Kaoru's shirt like a lifeline.

_I tried to help you once  
Against my own advice  
I saw you going down  
But you never realized  
That you're drowning in the water  
So I offered you my hand  
Compassion's in my nature  
Tonight is our last stand_

Kaoru woke up to find that Kyouya was no longer cuddled up to him. Hearing the shower in the next room, Kaoru quickly decided that the smartest thing to do was to get the hell out, so he headed back to the apartment he shared with Hikaru. Surprisingly, his twin was at home.

"Where the hell were you last night? Your latest love was wandering around with some other guy on his arm; I was worried sick about you!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"Why, did you think I killed myself in despair?" Kaoru asked with biting sarcasm.

"Nah, I thought your ex killed you and dumped your body in a river," Hikaru retorted with equal sarcasm. "Jeeze, I was just worried, okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Not worried enough to just, I don't know, call me or something apparently," Kaoru said icily. "I was fine anyways, just ran around town and did the usual shit, then crashed at a friend's place in case you finally got lucky after… how many years has it been now?"

Hikaru was on his feet long before that rant ended. "That was a low blow. Not cool. If that's what you think, then I'm outta here." And he was gone, slamming the door behind him. Kaoru tried to tell himself he didn't care, but it was a lie. Not knowing what else to do, he took a shower and then threw himself down onto the couch to play videogames for the next several hours. But as the sun set, he glanced out the window, sighed in frustration, and strode out the door, heading back to the dive bar from the night before.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

Kyouya was there, just as Kaoru had expected, and well on his way to oblivion. Kaoru slide onto the stool next to him.

"What the hell are you doing back here?"

"What else am I going to do?" Kyouya asked, his tone even more clipped than usual.

"You can't be serious," Kaoru said flatly.

Kyouya just shrugged and ordered another beer.

Kaoru intercepted the bartender. "I will tip you a fifty if you promise to stop serving him drinks so I can get him the hell out of here."

The bartender blinked, then held out his hand. Kaoru dropped the bill into the open palm in front of him, then turned all his attention to the dark-haired boy at his side.

"You're joking, right?" Kyouya asked. "I could pay twice that much to get him to bring me more drinks, and that's in addition to my usual tab."

"I don't care. You're leaving. Now." And to emphasize the point, Kaoru grabbed Kyouya's arm, yanking him to his feet. Kyouya wobbled, nearly losing his footing. "Good god, how much did you have before I got here?" Kaoru demanded.

"Don't worry about it," Kyouya snapped, trying to yank his arm out of Kaoru's grip.

"This isn't healthy and you need to cut it out," Kaoru said angrily.

"I already told you I don't have anything better to do," Kyouya argued.

"Then call me," Kaoru said.

Kyouya blinked.

"Call me, or text me, or whatever," Kaoru continued, amber eyes locked on slate gray ones. "I will come spend time with you if it'll keep you out of these bars."

"I'm sure you have plenty of things to do in the evenings, you certainly don't need to be wasting them baby-sitting me," Kyouya groused.

"You'd be surprised," Kaoru said wryly, giving the boy's arm a firm yank. "Everyone seems to assume that I have this epic social life. It's not as much fun as people think."

Kyouya didn't seem to know how to respond to that, so he let Kaoru lead him out of the bar and back to his own apartment rather than the one Kaoru shared with his twin.

_I'm drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
You shouldn't ever come around  
Why don't you just go home?  
'Cause you're drowning in the water  
And I tried to grab your hand  
And I left my heart open  
But you didn't understand  
But you didn't understand  
Go… fix… yourself…_

And so it went… week in, week out… for months Kaoru attempted to distract Kyouya from his broken heart. And he couldn't help but notice that he was getting some benefits as well. His own battered heart was healing in the presence of someone who seemed to genuinely appreciate his company for what it was.

Sure, there were setbacks. Kaoru had to keep a strict eye on Kyouya, and on nights when he didn't hear from the boy, he had to prowl the cities dive bars. Kyouya had his favorites, but he was cunning enough to hide from Kaoru when he didn't want to be found, and it was up to the redhead to save the raven-haired boy from himself.

The nights that he came over to find that Kyouya had purchased bottles of wine or scotch or some other liquor were the worst. Kaoru couldn't bring himself to waste his friend's money by pouring the drinks down the drain, but it was hard to hide anything from the Shadow King in his own apartment. And despite all his assurances to the contrary, sometimes these nights in Kyouya's apartment really did feel like baby-sitting.

Kaoru tried to tell himself that they were making progress, that soon Kyouya's urges to drown his pain in drink would fade away… but he was lying to himself. Again. He was getting way too damn good at that.

It all came to a head when Kaoru went on his first date in months. The guy was good-looking, but Kaoru saw all the signs… this guy would cheat on him, string him along, then dump him without ceremony before too long. Kaoru thought about walking right the hell out, but he'd been alone for a while… A warm body in his bed sounded kind of nice, and why did that thought make him think of Kyouya?

As if on cue, his phone rang. Kaoru smiled apologetically at his date before answering the phone. "Kyouya? What's up?"

"Hi, this is the bartender… Your friend has had WAY too much to drink, and he's become rather belligerent. I figured you'd want to know, and maybe you could get him home..." The man trailed off meaningfully.

Kaoru sighed. This was definitely NOT how he'd planned on the evening ended. "Yeah, fine, I'll be there as soon as I can." He hung up the phone without another word. "Hey, sorry, a friend of mine got himself into some trouble, and I…"

"Really? That's the excuse you're using? Lame…" the man in front of him declared.

Kaoru scowled. "Excuse you, but it's the truth… I need to go help out a friend."

"Kaoru, please… Everyone around here knows you're too busy moping around after your brother to have any friends."

Kaoru nearly overturned the table in his haste to get away. "Shows how much the rumor mill knows. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go help out a friend." And with that, he walked out and didn't look back.

But the walk to the bar gave him too much time to think. To think about how many bars he'd dragged Kyouya from in the last few months, how many bartenders he'd bribed, how many gallons of alcohol he'd poured out… Kyouya wasn't getting any better with Kaoru's help. In fact, he might be getting worse.

Kyouya was passed out at the bar, and Kaoru had a sense of déjà vu as he thanked the bartender for the call and dragged the other boy into the nearest cab. He managed to get Kyouya to bed safely, and then he sprawled on the bed, his mind too tangled to even think of sleeping yet.

_I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life  
I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life_

Kaoru didn't manage to fall asleep until nearly sunrise, and he slept fitfully for several hours before finally waking up sometime in the afternoon. Kyouya had obviously been awake for some time, as he was freshly showered and dressed and looking presentable. It was such a contrast from the mess he saw on a nightly basis that Kaoru could scarcely believe they were the same person.

"You're unhappy with me," Kyouya said from his seat at the kitchen table when Kaoru shuffled in to grab a cup of coffee.

"You're damn straight I'm unhappy with you," Kaoru snapped. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you like slowly killing yourself like this?"

Kyouya shrugged. "It's a way to forget."

"You're joking, aren't you?" Kaoru exclaimed. "You've got to be! You cannot still be this hung up on Tamaki!"

"I don't think it's really any of your business," Kyouya said icily, sipping from his own coffee cup.

"You made it my business when you accepted my offer to help!" Kaoru exclaimed. "I don't want to stand here watching you slowly kill yourself over that loser!"

"Don't call him a loser," Kyouya said, and his voice was dangerous though the pitch never changed.

"He is a loser though!" Kaoru yelled. "And if he wants to spend the rest of his damn life chasing a girl who is NEVER going to get her head screwed on straight long enough to notice how much he loves her, that's his problem! Not yours! If you have any self-respect at all, you'd forget about him!"

"You're one to talk," Kyouya snapped, rising to his feet to face the redhead. "Your brother neglects you, and you let yourself be turned into the town bicycle, and you have the nerve to talk to me about self-respect? And if Tamaki is a loser for chasing Haruhi, what does that make Hikaru? And what does that make you?"

Kaoru knew that every word Kyouya spoke was the truth. Every single fucking word. That didn't take out any of the sting though, and Kyouya had to duck as the empty mug in Kaoru's hand flew across the kitchen.

"At least the shit I do to myself isn't going to get me killed!" Kaoru yelled. "Maybe it's hard to look at myself in the mirror every morning, but at least I have moments where I'm not a fucking walking train wreck like you!"

"You don't really give a damn what happens to me, do you?" Kyouya demanded. "You're just looking for some reason not to hate yourself. You know what, get the hell out of my apartment!"

"If you kick me out now," Kaoru said, taking a step towards the older boy, "I swear to god I'm never coming back. And I hope you do manage to drink yourself to death. It's all you deserve."

"Get the fuck out," Kyouya said, his voice perfectly steady, low with suppressed anger.

"Fine. See you at your funeral," Kaoru snapped, striding out the door and slamming it with a resounding thud.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

And here he was... Still in the shower, wondering why he couldn't cry, wondering why the hell he'd basically told the one friend he had left in the world to just do and die, and wondering just how his life could get any more fucked up. Kaoru punched the floor of the shower this time rather than the wall, and was finally rewarded with hot tears mingling with water on his cheeks.

"What the fuck have I done?" he groaned.

His cellphone was still in his jacket pocket, slung onto the bed when he'd returned home. It would be so easy to pick up the phone and call Kyouya... But Kaoru was torn. He should apologize for the things he said, that much was obvious. But... what would it really accomplish? Kyouya had already made it perfectly clear he resented Kaoru's intrusions.

"Maybe I really was just making things worse..." he muttered to himself, finally turning off the water and reaching for a towel. "He's probably better off without me... That seems like a familiar pattern... Everyone seems better off without me."

He ran the towel through his hair, not bothering to tame the red strands as they sprang every which way on his head. Wrapping the towel snuggly around his waist, he headed back to the bedroom and started to grab some clothes, but lost interest halfway through and instead sprawled on the bed, not caring that his damp towel and hair were making the comforter wet. Who really gave a damn?

Kaoru was never sure how long he spent lying there staring at the ceiling of his bedroom when the shrill ring of his cellphone interrupted his thoughts. He sat up, grabbing his jacket from the foot of the bed and snatching his phone. And his heart nearly stopped at the familiar number that so rarely appeared on his screen anymore. He answered the phone, heart pounding in his ears.

"Hikaru? What's going on? Is something wrong?" he asked, and then stopped to wonder how things had gotten so bad that he assumed that his brother could only be calling to tell him bad news.

"You bet your ass something's wrong!" Hikaru screamed in his ear. "Kyouya's gone totally off his rocker! He was in a bar, dead drunk and babbling something about you, and now he's on the roof of this huge building and I think he's going to jump! I didn't even know you'd been talking to him! What the fuck did you do?"

Kaoru blinked, pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it, then pinched himself. Had he gone crazy? Or had Hikaru? "...What?" he asked at last.

"God, are you thick or something?" Hikaru screamed. "Kyouya. Is. Going. To. Kill. Himself! And judging by what he said earlier, I think it has something to do with you, so GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

"Fuck..." Kaoru groaned. "I'll be right there." And he jumped up to grab the first pieces of clothing he could find, wondering if it was even still possible to undo the damage he'd done.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

* * *

A/N: There you go. Told you it was gonna turn into some dark shit before too long.

So I pretty much have all of this planned out except for the very end. We'll see how the writing goes and what people want… We'll see how dark this ends up being, or if I'll relent by the end of it. Bwahaha! It should end up being four, maybe five chapters long by the time I'm done. I have four chapters that are almost completely planned out, but I have vague ideas for a fifth, depending on what happens in four.


	2. Jumper

Chapter 2: Jumper

A/N: Well I haven't gotten many responses yet, but there have been several views so hopefully this chapter will also be read. The whole fic is going to be dark though, I hope that's been made perfectly clear.

This chapter was inspired by the song Jumper by Third Eye Blind.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran Host Club, or any of the songs used in the creation of this fic.

* * *

As Kaoru approached the building, he couldn't help but wince. It was maybe twelve stories tall, and Kyouya was pacing back and forth on a ledge at the very top, and drinking from a bottle. Kaoru glanced around quickly, seeing Hikaru, Tamaki, and Haruhi huddled together near the foot of the building. Tamaki was hammering on his cellphone and swearing, Haruhi looked near tears, and Hikaru was looking around desperately. There were several other people around, but the cops hadn't arrived… yet. Kaoru paused. His brother hadn't seen him yet, and he wasn't sure he was up for confronting… any of them.

Hesitating for another moment, Kaoru finally darted down an alley next to the building, and soon found a back door that someone had left propped open. Kaoru started climbing the stairs, recalling that the outdoor fire escape began on the second floor if he couldn't find roof access.

The ringing of his phone startled him, and he grabbed it quickly, trying to catch his breath before answering. "Hello?"

"KAORU! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" Hikaru shouted. "I thought you said you'd be right over! I swear to god, if you're on a date right now…"

"What do you need me there for?" Kaoru snapped, slightly offended by the 'date' comment. He was already to the fifth floor, and he didn't slow down as he jogged up the steps. "If you're there, Tamaki and Haruhi must be there too."

"I already told you, when we saw Kyouya earlier, he was acting crazy. None of us could understand what he was talking about. All we caught was your name a few times. Now do your duty as a friend and get the hell over here before he decides to splatter his brains all over the fucking pavement, do you hear me?!"

Kaoru snapped his phone shut without answering, then turned it off. He still couldn't quite believe that HE had caused Kyouya to snap like that.

Finally he reached the last floor, and found one more door leading to the roof. He exited cautiously, and found that Kyouya was still pacing on the ledge, muttering to himself and drinking from a bottle. Kaoru hesitated, wondering if the sight of him would give Kyouya the impetus needed to jump. He hoped not. Holding up his hands, he slowly stepped forward so Kyouya could see him.

_I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies  
That you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I would understand_

He made it halfway across the roof before Kyouya finally noticed him. To Kaoru's utter amazement, Kyouya finished whatever was in the bottle, then hurled it at Kaoru, who ducked.

"Jeeze, Kyouya, take it easy! Let's talk for a second!" he exclaimed, holding his hands out in front of him rather than above his head.

Kyouya scowled, leaning forward to grip the edge of the roof (which came to around mid-thigh as he stood on the ledge below). "What are you doing here?" he asked. "Have you come to give me a push?"

"What? No!" Kaoru spluttered. "No, I don't want to push you off… For god's sakes…"

"So what are you doing here then?" Kyouya demanded.

"I told you… I just want to talk…" Kaoru said as soothingly as he could. He took a few steps forward, then stopped as Kyouya straightened up.

"What could you possibly want to talk about?" Kyouya asked. "I think we've said more than enough to each other already today, don't you?"

"Kyouya… I'm sorry I said the things that I did. They were cruel and unnecessary."

"You've chosen an interesting time to apologize."

"If it helps, I was planning to apologize anyways. I shouldn't have said those things."

"You meant them though. Everything you said was true. I'm pathetic, and I shouldn't be alive right now," Kyouya said. And his voice was so calm, lacking even despair. Kaoru couldn't stop himself from shivering.

"Well everything you said about me was true too… And it pissed me off, but it's the same shit I've thought about myself… I've learned to live with it. So can you."

"Why bother?" Kyouya asked. He bent down and Kaoru's heart stopped for a moment before he realized that Kyouya had another bottle in his hand. It was scotch, and Kyouya took a long drink straight from the bottle. "You said it yourself, I deserve nothing more than to drink myself to death, but that's taking too long."

_The angry boy  
A bit too insane  
Icing over a secret pain  
You know you don't belong_

"Fuck…" Kaoru muttered. "Just because the other shit I said might have been true… I didn't mean that. I was just pissed off because I don't like hearing that other people can see how fucked up I am."

"Why does that matter?" Kyouya asked.

"Because if no one else can see it… then it's easier for me to pretend it's not happening," Kaoru said. He took a cautious step towards Kyouya, and was relieved that the other boy didn't move. "I was on a date last night. The first one I'd been on since we started hanging out. And you know what he said to me?"

"What?" Kyouya asked, taking another long drink from the bottle.

Kaoru took another cautious step forward. "When I got the call to come get you… I told the guy I had to leave to help out a friend. And he said… he said that everyone knows I don't HAVE friends. That everyone knows I'm so messed up without my twin next to me, I can't even function."

"That's not true," Kyouya told him angrily.

"Sure it is. My social interaction is limited to hopping from one person's bed to the other, taking all their abuse and getting nothing in return but the brief sensation that I matter, even though I really don't and it doesn't last."

"You can interact socially with me without any problem."

Kaoru forced a bitter laugh. "I try my damndest to keep you from drinking, and I haven't let you fuck me, so if that's your definition of social interaction, I guess you're right."

Kyouya just stared.

Kaoru blinked. "Not that you've ever shown any interest in having sex with me of course... I was just saying... that that's... normally what I do..." And he REALLY hoped his cheeks weren't turning as red as they felt right now.

_You're the first to fight  
You're way too loud  
You're the flash of light  
On a burial shroud  
I know something's wrong_

Kyouya still said nothing. Kaoru scuffed his feet against the rooftop. The silence seemed to stretch between them. In the distance, sirens wailed. The crowds below were indistinct up here. It was so solitary… like they were the only real people left in the world…

Kyouya seemed unable to stop staring.

"Look, why are you looking at me like that?" Kaoru finally demanded, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.

"You've never slept with someone who really cares about you?" Kyouya asked finally.

"No," Kaoru snapped, not meeting those gray eyes. "Not everyone is as lucky as Haruhi… or Tamaki," he added, finally daring to glance at Kyouya through his bangs.

Kyouya didn't rise to the bait, of course. He had far too much self-control for that. Even standing on the ledge of a building, poised to jump to his death… he was still so hauntingly self-possessed and Kaoru always seemed to feel like an idiot next to him, except when he was trying to persuade him to give up the bottle…

"You mock Haruhi and Tamaki for not noticing such devotion so near at hand… have you ever wondered if you are also ignoring someone's devotion?" Kyouya asked.

Kaoru waved a hand dismissively. "I think I would have noticed by now. Despite what you may think, I actually notice the people around me. I see things."

"Like what?"

"I can tell within five minutes whether a boy flirting with me will cheat on me. They all have tells. If I can recognize the signs of infidelity, surely I could recognize its polar opposite."

"That could not have been easy to learn," Kyouya said, almost cautiously.

"It wasn't," Kaoru replied brusquely.

_Well everyone I know has got a reason  
To say  
Put the past away_

They stared at each other, both barely breathing. It felt like they were on the cusp of something so much bigger than themselves…

"I've been rather selfish," Kyouya said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Kaoru asked, taking another cautious step closer. If Kyouya were to reach out to him, Kaoru was almost close enough to reach out to meet him…

"I've been so wrapped up in my own troubles… I seem to have neglected to learn more about yours."

Kaoru frowned. "If I had wanted you to know about my… troubles, as you call them… I would have told you."

"I don't think I would have listened."

"Hikaru never listens to me anymore either. I still talk to him. I'm good at pretending that things are different," Kaoru said softly.

"But you've done so much to help me…"

"It obviously hasn't worked, because here we are."

"At least you tried."

"And yet… here we are."

"Here we are…" Kyouya agreed softly. "But did it ever bother you… that I did not care?"

"I… honestly never thought about it…" Kaoru said at last. "When we were together… I was only thinking of how to help you. I wasn't thinking about myself, or my demons."

A spasm of something akin to guilt washed over Kyouya's face, but it was gone almost as soon as it appeared.

_I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies  
That you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I would understand_

"When did this occur to you?" Kaoru asked suddenly.

"This afternoon… after we fought. I did a lot of thinking today."

"The wrong sort, obviously, but okay. Did you come to any conclusions I should know about?"

"Besides the fact that I'm a selfish bastard?"

Kaoru tried to smile, as though that comment were a joke… "Yeah, besides that." His smile faded at the look on Kyouya's face. "Look, I may not like everything that I'm doing to myself, but it's not going to kill me. I was more worried about you."

"You don't think it's going to kill you?" Kyouya asked.

"Well, unless I get an STD or something, but I use protection and shit, so I'm pretty confident I'll be okay," Kaoru said as lightly as he could.

"I didn't mean your physical health," Kyouya said softly. "It cannot be easy… the constant abuse and rejection."

"It's my choice, isn't it?" Kaoru demanded, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket so Kyouya wouldn't see as he dug his fingernails into his palms.

"Yes, I suppose so," Kyouya agreed. "But that doesn't mean it's healthy. You've had some choice words to say about my choices, have you not?"

"That's fair," Kaoru said with a nod.

_And well he's on the table  
And he's gone to code  
And I do not think anyone knows  
What they are doing here_

Kaoru tipped his head back to stare up at the sky. It was a cloudy night, no stars could be seen. "Why are we having this conversation here?" he said at last.

Kyouya smiled, and there was something strange about it. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked.

Kaoru couldn't help but lift an eyebrow. "You've been threatening to kill yourself and you're standing on the ledge of a 12-story building… So yeah, I guess I'm a little nervous. Are you sure you don't want to…?"

"No," Kyouya snapped. "Just because I want to make things right between us doesn't mean I'm changing my mind."

Kaoru opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Kyouya actually smiled. "You didn't really think I was killing myself over you, did you?" he asked softly.

"I had rather hoped not," Kaoru said, trying to sound casual. "I'm definitely not worth it."

"You're not worth killing yourself over?" Kyouya asked, still with a funny half-smile on his face.

"No. I'm not."

_And your friends have left you  
You've been dismissed  
I never thought it would come to this  
And I, I want you to know_

Kyouya's smile faded. "I don't understand how you can do this to yourself."

"Do what to myself?"

"You have no self-esteem to speak of. You're obviously unhappy with your life… and yet, here you are, hanging on. And I… I can't do it anymore. How do you manage?"

Kaoru bit his lower lip and looked down. This was something he'd never wanted to discuss, but now…

Kyouya waited patiently for him to speak.

"I thought… No. You're going to take this all wrong."

Kyouya managed such a bitter laugh, it ripped through Kaoru's soul. "Listen, Kaoru, I'm already on the brink. Nothing you say could possibly make me feel worse."

"That's a dangerous statement."

Kyouya took a long drink from the bottle. "Try me."

Kaoru took a deep breath. "Fine… It's fair to admit that both of us are having a hard time with… the Haruhi love triangle… right?"

Kyouya nodded. "More than fair, really."

Kaoru licked his lower lip. It was harder than he'd expected to admit this out loud, especially to Kyouya.

_Everyone's got to face down the demons  
Maybe today  
We can put the past away_

"Just spit it out," Kyouya insisted.

Kaoru took a deep breath. "Well, I mean, obviously we can't say we're going through the EXACT same things… but we've both essentially lost the most important people in our lives to this… this whole stupid situation… and we're stuck in this horrible limbo that just seems to get worse the longer it goes on."

Kyouya nodded, agreeing with everything that had been said so far.

"Well…" Kaoru trailed off. Then he spat it out at last. "I thought that as long as you were hanging on… so could I."

Kyouya blinked. Then blinked again.

"I thought about killing myself a couple years ago because I was so sick of this… but then I thought about you, and how you were still waiting for Tamaki to get his head screwed on straight… And I thought… if you could still stay alive… I could too. And maybe that's why I tried so hard to help you with your drinking… because seeing you falling apart… it makes me think of my own situation… and I wonder how much longer I can go on…"

_I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend  
You could cut ties with all the lies  
That you've been living in  
And if you do not want to see me again  
I would understand  
I would understand…_

Kyouya stared at him. "That's… so odd…" he whispered. "Because… for so long now… I've been thinking the same about you."

Kaoru stared. "Are you serious?"

"Perfectly. Thinking of you is what has kept me from killing myself before tonight. I could not bear thinking that you could handle this better than me."

Kaoru exhaled. "Well… then why don't you stop this? I'm not claiming life is perfect, but… we could help each other… We could make it…"

"There is another option, you know…" Kyouya said, and there was a terrifying gleam in his eye as he stared at the redhead.

Kaoru felt a shiver race up his spine. "What's that?"

Kyouya smiled, but it was icy cold. He extended his hand towards Kaoru. "You could join me here… and we could jump together."

_Can you put the past away?  
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend  
I would understand…_

* * *

A/N: Well… this has gotten interesting, hasn't it? Reviews are appreciated, but the fanfic will be written no matter what.


	3. Ready to Fall

Chapter 3: Ready to Fall

A/N: I decided to write the last two chapters in Kyouya's point of view, just for fun (also, it works better for the narrative structure, as you'll see…). And I'm pretty sure there will only be four chapters. I thought about a fifth, but I think I can end it just fine on four.

Oh, and Kyouya is REALLY REALLY cruel in this chapter… Blame it on the alcohol I guess. It was a little too much fun to write… I have some serious issues to work though apparently… if you couldn't already tell from the contents of this fic.

This chapter is based on the song Ready to Fall by Rise Against.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran Host Club or any songs used in the creation of this fic.

* * *

Kyouya Ootori watched as the amber eyes of the redhead in front of him widened as his words sank in.

_"You could join me here… and we could jump together."_

Kaoru could only stare at him, his mouth moving soundlessly. Kyouya waited for the trance to break.

Kaoru finally shook his head. "Kyouya, you… Why?" he finally gasped.

"It's just as you said… the only reason we are both still alive is because we've been watching each other… thinking that as long as the other is still around, we will be weak if we break. But if we break at the same time… then neither of us is weak."

"Or both of us are weak," Kaoru challenged.

Kyouya knew an icy smile was spreading across his features. "Then we are weak together."

Kaoru gulped.

"How long do you think you'll last once I'm gone?" Kyouya said softly.

_Hold on, slow down, again from the top now  
And tell me everything  
I know I've been gone for what seems like forever  
But I'm here now waiting_

Kaoru's breath seemed to hitch. Kyouya felt like all his senses were on high alert. They were close… Not close enough to touch though… Kaoru would have to reach out and take another step before Kyouya's outstretched hand could grab him. Yet every sound Kaoru made seemed to be right in Kyouya's ears…

"You really think…" Kaoru had to stop and swallow before continuing. "You really think that I…" He couldn't make himself form a complete sentence, at least not that one.

"Kaoru, you've as good as admitted that you wanted to keep me from falling apart because you fear that my collapse will send you over the edge as well. I have every reason to believe that my suicide will not do anything positive for your mental state."

Kaoru crossed his arms. "That makes you pretty selfish then, doesn't it?"

An interesting tactic… but Kyouya was ready for it. "You think I'm selfish?"

"Sure. If you know that your death is going to hurt others… why would you ever do it?"

"Kaoru, you're the only person who will be affected," Kyouya said shortly. "My family believes I am a disgrace, and they're not wrong."

Kaoru made an odd face at that statement.

"Tamaki won't even notice…"

"He will…"

"He's too busy with Haruhi. My loss will not affect him deeply."

"Don't you think…?" Kaoru began. "Shit," he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

"What's wrong?" Kyouya asked, wondering if the boy was finally seeing his side.

"No, it isn't anything," Kaoru said softly, looking away.

"Tell me," Kyouya commanded, leaning forward slightly.

Kaoru looked like a mouse caught under the hypnotic gaze of the serpent. "I just… spotted the flaw in my argument is all."

"And what was that flaw?"

Kaoru looked at him, and the pain in those amber eyes ripped through Kyouya like a knife. "If I'm not worth killing yourself over… then I'm also not worth staying alive for, am I?"

_To convince you that I'm not a ghost or a stranger  
But closer than you think  
She said, "Just go on to what you  
Pretend is your life, but please don't die on me"_

Kyouya blinked. "I'm afraid I don't follow…"

"We already agreed that I'm not worth killing yourself over, did we not?"

"I don't recall directly agreeing with that statement, but very well."

Kaoru just snorted. "Of course I'm not. I don't mean that much to anyone. And we just established that I'm the only person who, in your mind at least, cares if you're still alive."

Kyouya suddenly understood the boy's train of thought. "So you believe that your future well-being should not make me change my mind?"

Kaoru shrugged. "It only makes sense…"

"Then what does it matter?" Kyouya asked him. "If you believe yourself to be so unworthy, then you should jump with me… Or do you believe that someone will miss you?"

That was probably a tad harsher than what was required… But it seemed to get the job done. Kaoru looked as though he'd been slapped. His head actually jerked.

"I…" he stammered. Then he closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping.

"You and Hikaru used to be so close…" Kyouya murmured. "It's so hard to believe that a girl could drive such a wedge between you."

Kaoru looked up, and his amber eyes were haunted. "You have no idea what it's like."

"Tell me," Kyouya said simply. He could still talk Kaoru into the proper frame of mind.

_Wings won't take me  
Heights don't faze me  
So take a step  
But don't look down, take a step_

"She was the first person who could tell us apart… the first one to really emphasize that we were two different people. And it was so strange… It was so strange to be different people… It was hard for both of us to handle."

Kaoru stopped speaking. Kyouya just waited. He knew the younger boy would continue speaking to fill the silence between them, and to drown out the thoughts in his own head.

"He got so attached to her… He liked being separate from me. He wanted… more."

"And you didn't."

"That's not true!" Kaoru said too quickly.

Kyouya lifted an eyebrow, but didn't contradict him.

"I was… I was hurt that he wanted to pull away from me so much. I didn't mind having a little space, and it does get rough when people are constantly calling us by the wrong names… But it was like he didn't even want me anywhere near him."

Yes, there was the hurt… there was the pain… Kyouya drank it in, like an elixir… It was so refreshing to actually see another person in just as much pain as he was. He resisted the urge to lick his lips.

Kaoru's voice was just a little too high-pitched as he spoke, making him sound younger than he really was. "I guess that's why I started doing what I did… sleeping with all these different people. Hikaru had something he wanted, he had someone who knew who he WAS… And I thought… if he likes that so much that he's willing to abandon me, maybe I should find someone who will feel the same way about me."

Kyouya exhaled softly. This was going better than he'd ever anticipated.

"It didn't really work though… not the way I thought it would…" Kaoru almost whimpered. "I mean, it kind of worked… For the first time in my life, people actually know who I am. They know my name. They can tell me apart from Hikaru." When he looked up to face Kyouya, there were tears in the corners of his soft amber eyes. "And I fucking hate it."

_Now I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall  
I think I'm at the edge now, but I could be wrong  
I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall…_

"Do you really hate that people know your name, or do you just hate the reason they know your name?" Kyouya asked.

Kaoru held his head in his hands. "Kyouya, stop it…"

Kyouya took another drink from his bottle of scotch. It had been the correct choice… scotch made him so much blunter… and it didn't cloud his senses like other drinks. He felt like he could hear every breath Kaoru took, especially the ragged ones that made it sound like he was about to cry…

"Now do you see why I made my suggestion? Wouldn't it be so much easier to just end it all?"

"No, no, no!" Kaoru said, shaking his head desperately, trying to convince himself as much as Kyouya. "No, there must be another way…"

"Why are you so determined to convince yourself of that?" Kyouya asked.

"Because…" Kaoru shuddered. "If it was really that easy, then what stopped me from killing myself a couple years ago?"

"Foolish hope, if I had to guess," Kyouya said wryly.

"No, that can't be all… there must be other ways…" Kaoru trailed off. "I thought about going to Europe… forever… just leaving all of this behind… never coming back…"

"How would that help?"

"It would be a place to start over… somewhere where no one knows what we've been through in the last few years… where we could have a completely fresh start…"

"We?" Kyouya repeated, his brows knitting together.

Kaoru blinked. The confusion was plainly written across his face. "I…" he began, then he shook his head.

_Perpetual motion, the image won't focus  
A blur is all that's seen  
But here in this moment, like the eyes of a storm  
It all came clear to me_

Unexpected… but intriguing. Was it something as simple as Kaoru noting that they had similar problems that they should get away from… or something more?

Kyouya shoved his hands into his pockets, and did Kaoru look disappointed that his hand was no longer outstretched? "Your solution is idealistic, but ultimately would fail."

"Why do you say that?" Kaoru asked.

"Because even in a different continent, we'd still received reminders of the people we'd leave behind," Kyouya said calmly, also using the inclusive pronoun.

One red eyebrow lifted. "But… we wouldn't be seeing it firsthand. The reminders would be easier to ignore."

Kyouya shook his head. "I considered the idea… My father offered me a position in an office in Europe. Of course, this was before my drinking became an embarrassment to the family." He said it so nonchalantly, like those words didn't burn his heart and soul.

Kaoru winced. "Don't use that kind of hyperbole…" he began.

"It isn't hyperbole. My family has already told me that I'm an embarrassment," he said, still keeping the uncaring tone in his voice.

"But…" Kaoru began, then he stopped. Of course it would be embarrassing for such a prominent family…

"Don't tell me your own family hadn't shown some disapproval of your actions?" Kyouya said.

Kaoru actually flinched at that.

"We embarrass them," Kyouya said. "Everyone would be happier if we were out of the picture."

"No… No, that's not true… They want to help us," Kaoru said, shaking his head almost desperately.

Kyouya lifted his head up to stare at the sky. "Do they really?"

_I found a shoulder to lean on  
An infallible reason to live all by itself  
I took one last look  
From the heights that I once loved  
And then I ran like hell_

"They're our families… and our friends… Of course they want to help…" Kaoru said, but his voice trailed off.

"Unless they just want us to get well so we stop embarrassing them."

"Please stop this…" Kaoru whispered, and there were actually tears in his eyes.

So he still had the gift…

"How could you let yourself fall like this for TAMAKI?" Kaoru exclaimed suddenly.

Kyouya was surprised that the boy had pulled himself together so fast. "What do you mean?"

"You're not the Kyouya I used to know… the one who ran the Host Club, the one who started his own company and bought out his own father's company before he even graduated! You knew you'd have to be extraordinary to shine over your brothers, and you rose to the challenge and you did it!" Kaoru exclaimed, suddenly flushed and angry.

Well that was a slap to the face for Kyouya…

"You had the world in the palm of your hand, and you let Tamaki destroy you! Are you crazy? He never even deserved you!" Kaoru was panting a little as he said this.

Kyouya blinked.

"Sure, he's handsome and he oozes charm and self-confidence, but he's such a ridiculous flirt, and he's such an idiot, Kyouya! You're so much smarter than he is, and you're definitely too smart to attach yourself to some idiot who can't stand near an attractive person without flirting with them, so what the hell happened?"

Kyouya blinked again. Part of him wanted to scream at Kaoru, hurt him for laying the truth so bare between them… But they were only the same questions he'd asked himself a hundred times before. And he still didn't have his answers.

_Wings won't take me  
Heights don't faze me  
So take a step  
But don't look down, take a step_

"You can't choose who you fall in love with," he said at last.

Kaoru acknowledged that with a nod. "But you can choose how affected you are by them… Don't you agree?"

"Obviously not," Kyouya pointed out.

"Did you even try?" Kaoru asked. "Or were you so enamored with the whole 'being in love for the first time' thing that you let it run away with you?"

Kyouya felt his throat close up. "That's not…"

Kaoru shook his head. "That's why you went so crazy… You lost control, and an Ootori can never lose control. Once you lost control over one thing, it must have been a slippery slope."

Kyouya's breath left him in a hiss. "Why do you insist on pretending that you understand me?" he demanded.

Kaoru shrugged. "Because I do understand you?"

_Now I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall  
I think I'm at the edge now, but I could be wrong  
I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall_

Truth be told, Kaoru really did understand him… and that terrified Kyouya on some level. He couldn't let himself get close to anyone again. And maybe that was why he was so eager to drag Kaoru down with him.

He tried to tell himself that he was being kind to the boy… After all, they were in the same position… unloved and hurting, tossed aside by the people they loved most in the world, ignored by everyone except to be used and thrown away once again.

He had watched Kaoru, longer than the redhead realized. He'd seen the boy's ebb and flow of despair, watching as he clawed his way back. It was impressive… and Kyouya knew that his own suicide would almost certainly break the younger boy. Kaoru knew it too. That's why he was trying so hard to stop him.

He should just let go… accept the inevitable, just the way Kyouya had. There was nothing in this world for either of them. Nothing but more pain.

"If you understand me so well, then surely you can see the same thing I can. There's nothing left for me in this world," Kyouya said calmly.

"That's not true… that can't be true," Kaoru argued.

"And if there's nothing left for me… then there may not be anything left for you either," Kyouya continued as though Kaoru had never spoken.

"But you…"

"Don't make me your only lifeline. You can see for yourself how unstable I am," Kyouya exclaimed. He drained the bottle of scotch now. The edges of his vision were becoming fuzzy, but he could still see and hear perfectly every single thing Kaoru did, every tiny movement he made, every small sound that escaped him…

"I'm not…"

"You are. You think that if I keep hanging on, so can you. But what you don't stop to consider if that once I let go, which I will…" He held out the bottle of scotch and dropped it off the roof. Both of them heard the faint sound of shattering glass below, as well as the screams of the people below. "You'll shatter right along with me."

_I count the times that I've been sorry  
(I know, I know)  
Now my compassion slowly drains  
(I know, I know)  
If there's a time these walls could guard you  
(I know, I know)  
Then let that time be right now_

Kaoru stared. His eyes had an almost glazed quality, as though he could see the bottle falling and shattering on the sidewalk below, over and over again…

"You'll fall too, you know," Kyouya said softly. And now he extended his hand once again. "Fall with me, Kaoru. We can fall together."

His resistance was crumbling. Kyouya could see it, and he forced himself not to smile.

"You're right…" Kaoru whispered. He was trembling now. "If you fall… I'll fall as well."

"Do you wish you'd chosen another lifeline?" Kyouya asked suddenly.

Kaoru just stared at him. "What other lifeline could I have picked?"

For the first time, it occurred to Kyouya to wonder if there hadn't been something more behind the redhead's angry denouncement of Tamaki… Something that ran much deeper, back to their high school days perhaps… Perhaps there was something more behind the way the boy cared for him, tried to pull him back from his own despair…

No, surely not. He would have known already. He was Kyouya, he knew all there was to know about the people around him. And his empty hand was still outstretched, still waiting.

Kaoru stared at him, almost hypnotized by Kyouya's brilliant gray eyes.

"Take my hand," Kyouya requested again.

Kaoru hesitated. Then his hand began to move, shaking like a leaf… It stretched out, reaching for him.

They were not close enough. Kyouya leaned towards him slightly, encouraging him to take the needed step.

Kaoru took it. Their hands closed around each other. Kyouya started to turn back to the edge, back to the jump he was ready to make, gently tugging the other boy to follow him.

But something was pulling back. And even as Kyouya started to turn again to see why Kaoru was hesitating, he felt himself being pulled away…

_Now I'm standing on the rooftop  
Now I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall  
I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall  
I think I'm at the edge now, but I could be wrong  
I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall_

* * *

A/N: Yes, a cliffhanger! Mwahaha! But I've already started the final chapter. Actually, it's almost done… So it should be posted within the next couple days.


	4. Promise

Chapter 4: Promise

A/N: So here's the finale! It's quite a bit less dark than the ones before, but that only makes sense since it's the end.

This chapter was inspired by the song Promise, by Simple Plan. Which is ironic because Simple Plan is the band I listen to when I want to be in the mood to write these sorts of fics, and this is actually the most upbeat of all the chapters… go figure.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran Host Club or any of the songs or lyrics used in the creation of this fic.

* * *

Kyouya was falling, but not the way he'd wanted to fall. He tried to pull back, but he was off-balance. Instead of dropping down twelve stories into oblivion, his legs hit the cement ledge.

Kaoru was in front of him, holding his hand with one hand, and the same wrist with the other hand. There was a look of grim determination on his face as he pulled, and hitting the cement ledge knocked Kyouya right off his feet so they fell together onto the roof.

Kyouya's eyes had shut as he'd pitched over the ledge and onto the roof. He opened them to find his head resting on Kaoru's chest.

One of his hands was still clasped by Kaoru's. Kaoru's other hand had fallen away to rest on the roof. And Kyouya's other hand… had somehow ended up under Kaoru's head, protecting the boy's skull as he'd hit the roof. Kyouya was vaguely aware that his hand ached, but he was more aware of the incredible softness of that red hair, the very faint dampness lingering from a shower that must have occurred quite a while ago…

Kaoru's chest rose and fell beneath Kyouya's cheek in short harsh gasps. Their legs were tangled together and somehow Kyouya's body had landed between Kaoru's legs. Neither seemed able to move. Finally Kaoru lifted his free hand from the roof to grip the back of Kyouya's neck… rather harshly, in Kyouya's opinion.

"I swear to god, Kyouya… if you ever do that again… I'll throw you off this fucking roof myself."

_Breakdown  
I can't take this  
I need somewhere to go  
I need you  
I'm so restless  
I don't know what to do_

Kyouya thought that real laughter would be inappropriate, but he did manage a weak chuckle. "I… can't believe you tricked me," he said softly.

"You're not the only one who can play games with other people's minds," Kaoru said softly.

"You knew?" Kyouya asked. Now that the moment had passed and they were away from the edge… he was beginning to regret everything.

"It was a good try, but you've lost a bit of your touch… must have been the scotch. But I did actually think about it," Kaoru admitted softly.

Kyouya managed to disentangle his hand from Kaoru's and pushed himself up just a little so he could look down at the other boy. "What made you change your mind?" he asked, finally able to stare down at those amber eyes.

Kaoru seemed to be staring past Kyouya. "I'm a coward… I can't commit suicide. But you were right… If you had died, I would have broken too… so the only solution was to save you."

Kyouya's jaw dropped a little. "That's it?"

"Such a small reason…" Kaoru said with a smile. "I guess that makes me even more selfish than you. I can't die, so you're not allowed to die ether."

Kyouya swallowed, licking his lips nervously. "I feel like I should thank you…"

"Don't do that until you're sure I did the right thing," Kaoru said softly and the hand that had been holding Kyouya's gripped the dark-haired boy's wrist for a moment.

_We've had our rough times  
Fighting all night  
And you're just slipping away  
Give me this chance  
To make the wrongs right, to say  
Don't, don't, don't walk away_

The boy had a point, Kyouya thought. Only moments ago, he'd been ready to leap to his death. Now he was tangled up with Kaoru… and he was strangely okay with that. He didn't really want to move away from the boy, but he didn't know why.

Some irrational part of his brain screamed that if he moved away from Kaoru, that the redhead would throw himself off the building, leaving him alone… But Kaoru had just stopped him from jumping, so that thought was absurd.

"Are you okay?"

Kaoru's voice sliced into his thoughts. Kyouya blinked. "I… I'm not sure."

"Would it help if I promise that I'm not going anywhere?" Kaoru asked, suddenly much too astute.

"…" Kyouya couldn't even form words.

"You look like you're scared to let me go," Kaoru said by way of explanation. "If this is about our fight… I already said I'm sorry, but I'll say it again. I really am sorry about what happened and I want to help you. I'm not going to leave you again, I promise."

Kyouya blinked. Was that what he wanted? He didn't even know anymore. But his arm was shaking with the effort of holding him up, so he slid his hand out from under Kaoru's head and pushed himself into a kneeling position. Kaoru sat up at last, running one hand through that flaming red hair as he did so.

"Are you okay?" Kyouya asked suddenly. It had just occurred to him that he hadn't actually asked, and Kaoru's body had taken the brunt of their impact on the roof, aside from the one hand Kyouya had managed to slip under his head. He glanced at that hand. The knuckles were red and scraped, and one had a few specks of blood on it, but he would live.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kaoru said, glancing down at the ground between them. Then he looked back up at Kyouya. "What now?"

Kyouya had no answer.

_I promise  
I won't let you down (you down)  
If you take my hand tonight  
I promise  
We'll be just fine (this time)  
If you take my hand tonight  
If you take my hand tonight_

At the same instance, both boys heard sirens screaming in the distance. Kaoru couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Great, NOW the police show up… You could have jumped, gotten back up, come back up the stairs, and jumped again… five different times."

"I don't think my limbs would have been in any state…" Kyouya began, but Kaoru just gave him a sharp look and Kyouya shut his mouth.

"Listen…" Kaoru began, then he paused. "Listen," he tried again, "do you really want to talk to the police right now? I know that's what we're supposed to do, but…" He trailed off again.

Kyouya thought for a moment. Then he smiled suddenly. "If I promise to start some therapy, real therapy, not just you hiding my alcohol… will you help me?"

"Help you with the therapy, or help you escape the cops?" Kaoru asked, already on his feet and brushing off his clothes.

"Both?" Kyouya asked with a meek grin.

Kaoru smiled, a wide genuine smile that Kyouya hadn't seen in a very long time. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that smile. Then Kaoru held out his hand, pulling Kyouya to his feet. "Let's go."

Kyouya walked by his side towards the door leading off the roof. Then Kaoru paused and pulled out his phone, dialing a familiar number. When it was answered, he had to hold the phone nearly a foot away from his ear, and Kyouya could hear every word.

"KAORU WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY DID YOU TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED! WHY DID YOU GO UP THERE?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

Kaoru stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around. "Jeeze, Hikaru, blow out my eardrums, why don't ya?"

"The cops are here! And firemen and paramedics and all kinds of shit! What the hell is going on up there?!" Hikaru was still shouting, but in a slightly more reasonable tone.

"I'm fine. Kyouya is fine. We're taking off though. Call off the cops, or at least keep them inside the building."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Hikaru screamed. "WHY WOULD I DO A THING LIKE THAT?!"

"Because you're my brother and I'm asking you to do me this one favor," Kaoru snapped. "Untangle yourself from Haruhi for five seconds and help someone besides yourself!"

"Do I need to remind you who even told you what Kyouya was trying to do?!" Hikaru shouted.

Kaoru pressed his fingers to his temple. "No, but I don't think that one thing makes up for anything. It's not like you were making any real effort to help. I'm hanging up now. Kyouya is fine. I'm fine. Everyone's fine. Go back to your life."

"Wait, Kaoru, don't you dare hang up on…"

Hikaru's voice was cut off by Kaoru viciously pressing the End Call button.

_Without you (I got through the motions)  
Without you (it's just not quite the same)  
Without you (I don't want to go out)  
I just wanted to say  
That I'm sick of these fights  
I'll let you be right  
If it stops you from running away  
So give me this chance  
To make the wrongs right, to say  
Don't, don't, don't walk away_

Kaoru took a deep breath and led Kyouya over to the fire escape. Both boys sprinted down the rickety metal stairs, but made it to the second floor without meeting another soul. Then it was a simple matter to walk down the last flight of stairs and calmly out the front door.

The whole area was lit up by flashing lights. The crowds were having a hard time seeing anything, and no one seemed to recognize Kyouya as the boys threaded their way to the outskirts of the crowd. And both were shocked to see Hikaru, Tamaki, and Haruhi waiting for them.

Haruhi, tears in her eyes, threw her arms around them. "What were you thinking?" she practically sobbed as she clung to both of them.

"Hey, take it easy, everyone's fine," Kaoru said calmly, patting her head.

Hikaru was quietly fuming as he stared at them. Tamaki had tears in his eyes. "Kyouya, why didn't you tell me that things were so bad for you?" he asked, his head tilting endearingly to one side.

Kaoru turned away from that. It was clear that he thought things were going to go back to the way they were now that Tamaki was paying attention to Kyouya again. But…Kyouya had no intention of letting that happen. He adjusted his glasses.

"Perhaps I would have if you had asked," he said mildly. "Now shall we go somewhere else? The crowd here is rather unpleasant…"

Tamaki's jaw dropped at Kyouya's words, but he fell in line as they started walking away. Hikaru was still fuming and Haruhi had wedged herself between Kyouya and Kaoru, looking as though she would never move from that spot.

Kyouya wanted to pretend that things could be this way forever… but there was no way they could. Things had changed too much.

_I promise  
I won't let you down (you down)  
If you take my hand tonight  
I promise  
We'll be just fine (this time)  
If you take my hand tonight  
If you take my hand tonight_

After many months of therapy, Kyouya was feeling much better. He'd been sober for two months, the longest stretch in quite a long time. And now that he was trying out sobriety, it was becoming clear just how much the alcohol had affected him.

His relationship with his family began to heal once they saw that he was serious about cleaning up his act. And Haruhi made it a point to call often, as did Tamaki. But Kyouya was beginning to realize that things between him and Tamaki would never work out. Maybe they could have once, but not anymore. In fact, Kyouya didn't enjoy the conversations with his former love interest nearly as much as he'd thought he would (and not just because the blonde brought up Haruhi every third sentence at a minimum).

Kaoru had been there for Kyouya as much as he could. Hikaru had woken up from his Haruhi-induced daze enough to try to drive a wedge between his twin and the Shadow King, but Kaoru had also changed from the experience. Before he might have been thrilled that his brother way paying attention to him and to his life again, but now… Now he was just annoyed that Hikaru was trying to control his life.

In fact, as he confided to Kyouya when he dropped by after one of the dark-haired boy's therapy sessions, Kaoru was beginning to realize just how much Hikaru had been controlling him and his life when they spent every moment, waking and sleeping, by each other's sides. And it was this newfound freedom that Kaoru was learning to enjoy. Kyouya was simply gratified that Kaoru was choosing to spend so much of it with him.

But even though both of them were doing well, Kyouya found himself thinking about their conversation on the roof… one part in particular. So he spoke to his father, then to the Hitachiin parents before making an offer to Kaoru himself. The redhead was intrigued, and he accepted.

Haruhi broke down in tears when she found out, but she agreed that their plan was solid, and would probably benefit both boys. Hikaru was furious and tried to prevent it, first by begging their parents to put a stop to it. But when they proved remarkably unwilling to listen to their son, he tried to dissuade Kaoru, but the younger twin's mind was made up. So finally Hikaru bowed to the inevitable. That left only Tamaki to inform, which was why Kyouya was calling him one afternoon.

_Take my hand  
Take my hand (I promise)  
Take my hand (I promise)  
Take my hand  
GO!_

"Kyouya! You don't usually call me… Is something wrong?" Tamaki asked.

"No, nothing's wrong," Kyouya said calmly.

"Oh… that's good! Then… why are you calling?"

Kyouya paused, glancing out the window at the wide expanse of blue sky. "I'm calling to say goodbye," he said at last.

There was silence for a moment. Then, "What do you mean, 'goodbye'?" Another long pause. "Kyouya, you aren't going to…?"

"Not that kind of goodbye," Kyouya said with a slightly exasperated sigh. "I'm leaving the country."

"What? You are? But why?" Tamaki yelped, trying to process the new information.

"Yes, I'm leaving. My flight to Sweden departs in thirty minutes, and I thought it only polite to let you know before I left."

"But… why didn't you tell me sooner? What are you going to do?" Tamaki asked.

"I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't want you to have a chance to try to make me change my mind. My father has given me a rather prestigious position in our Swedish branch, and I intend to make something of myself there."

"But Sweden is so far away!" Tamaki gasped.

"Yes, and I think that's best, given what's happened in recent months…"

"I see…" Tamaki said softly. "Well, if you think that's what is best… I will miss you, you know."

"I'm sure you will," Kyouya said softly. "I will miss you as well." He would, but not as much as he would have a few months ago.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Tamaki asked again. "I mean, it's a different country… so far away… and you'll be all alone!"

Kyouya smiled as a certain redheaded figure wove his way over, lugging a carry-on bag and balancing two frozen drinks. He waved, and the redhead nodded in acknowledgement. "Who said I was going to be alone?"

That seemed to throw Tamaki for a loop. "But you… Wait… Is… is Kaoru going with you?"

"That is correct."

"You invited Kaoru to go with you and not me," Tamaki said slowly.

"I didn't imagine you'd want to come. Haruhi is back in Japan after all… And Kaoru and I seem to be good for each other anyways."

"Wait… You two aren't… together… are you?" Tamaki asked at last.

"No," Kyouya said firmly as Kaoru plopped into the seat next to him and silently offered one of the drinks. Kyouya took it with a smile. "At least… not now. Maybe eventually."

"I see…" And Kyouya could actually hear Tamaki smiling though the phone. "Have a wonderful time in Sweden then. Don't forget to visit once in a while."

"I'll see what I can do. Goodbye, Tamaki."

"Bye."

Kyouya hung up the phone, then looked over at Kaoru, who was simply waiting for him to finish his call. "That's everyone, isn't it?" the redhead said at last.

"Yeah… That's everyone," Kyouya agreed, taking a sip of his drink.

Kaoru leaned back on the uncomfortable seat, clearly yearning to get to the comfortable first-class seats that awaited them. "What's Sweden like?" he asked. "I've only been to the cultured countries, like Italy and France and Spain."

Kyouya couldn't help but smile. "You'll like it. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," Kaoru said with a mischievous grin. "You'll keep me on the straight and narrow."

"Only if you do the same for me," Kyouya said, and Kaoru's fingers may have brushed against his for just a moment as they waited for their flight.

_I promise  
I won't let you down (you down)  
If you take my hand tonight  
I promise  
We'll be just fine (this time)  
If you take my hand tonight  
If you take my hand tonight  
If you take my hand tonight  
I won't let you down (you down)  
Take my hand tonight_

* * *

A/N: So there you go. Of course I couldn't kill them… I hate killing characters. And yeah, it's not a completely happy ending, but…What can I say, I was raised on Disney movies… I don't like sad endings. This was never going to be something where characters kill themselves. I hate those. I hope this chapter didn't seem too out of place… After all the darkness, I was ready to end on a hopeful note.


End file.
